|Monday, August 13th
CWAL Story Digest (August 6th - 11th)
Kalledon on 08.13.07 @ 09:37 AM EST [link
Who can tell what the future holds?
Only Kalledon, who has been to the apocolyptic Zerg-infested wasteland that Earth will become, but will he be able to stop it? Seeking aid from a mysterious and powerful entity known only as Janus, he seeks to brave the increasingly unstable portals to find him. Aid has appeared, however, from the unlikely source of the bodyguards of Kalledon's half-demonic and batwinged secretary, Isabelle - or more specifically from her bodyguard. It just comes to show that you never known when large, smelly and scaly comes in handy.
But the Zerg menace increases rapidly in size and scale, first converting an already unstable and psychotic Fearless through the power of lush, bouncing, large, and entirely delectable boobies: the new acting commander Sandra Grace having revealed herself as an infested agent of the Swarm. Under the threat of worldwide annhilation, what do the most powerful men in the world do? Well, play poker and hope for hookers, or at least until the leader of the Zerg reveals himself to them...
“...Thas wha' I'm talkin' bout...
The Mighty Master Cydric is the newest Swarm god,
and your world brings my hate down like a fuckin' lightnin' rod.
You bitches come out swingin' but I ain't here to play,
Cuz the Zerg Swarm is comin' and they bringin' Doomsday,
To your world
Your punkass little world.
You say, "impressive", I already know it,
I'm a hardcore defiler and I'm comin' here to show it!
They empowered me, a Cerebrate, with alla these new digs.
Gonna do them right by killin' you like motherfuckin' pigs!
On your world
Your punkass little world.
Well! Being slaughtered en masse, eaten slowly and parasically impregnated for conversion into an loathesome alien swarm is one thing, but bad music requires extreme measures to counter, and the Canadians are up to the task as they reveal their final trump card. The most powerful spacecraft ever designed by Terran hands. A ship so powerful that even the plot gods fear at the mention of its name.
The CMS Borelias
And they'll need it now, as the American fleet under the command of the infested Sandra attempts to finish off the remenants of Earth's defenders.
Back down to Earth, a Mary Freerunner has come to discover the new world of D71. An organization decided to the understanding of the rising presence of magic and psionics in the universe, they've been keeping a few minor details from the population - such as the fact that the planet is currently under dire peril of destruction. Can't let the yokels panic about such niggling details. Phoebe Freerunner, meanwhile gets some desperately needed treatment from her psychological crisis, primarily involving calling her old nicknames and fistfights with undertones of lesbian sex. With such an appeal, it is of little surprise that another alien race has dispatched a scout cruiser to aid in the slavation of lesbians - I mean, the salvation of Earth. Sorry.
Somewhere in Simi Valley, conveniently ignorant of the coming destruction of Earth, the Phasco hitwoman Razael ponders on matters of destiny, even while a more recovered Phoebe and Dei try to defy the coming future that they had envisioned.
Returning back to 2006, we learn more about the fall of OEEP as DarkAngel tries to reassert her authority. However, her subordinates are less cooperative and for a moment, an open rebellion looks like it could break forth. However, once again, it seems that Blizzard may be involved. In that same timeline, Reecle and her friends attempt to respond to her rival Pearl's machinations, only to earn her a poisoned fingernail slash and a permanent scar. But its all good, since it involves gnocchis.
Monday, August 6th
CWAL Story Digest (July 20th - August 6th)
Kalledon on 08.06.07 @ 02:23 PM EST [link
The chaos continues to grow in Irvine. While the Canadians, Americans, and Protoss attempt to reestablish order before the Zerg arrive, the Protoss in Irvine are finally ready to strike out at Blizzard. But Blizzard is not unprepared and the Protoss may find they've bitten off more they can chew with the appearance of Blizzard's secret fleet. Even without the renewed fighting between Blizzard and the Protoss, Irvine is in for some trouble. The members of CARV have washed up on shore and are ready to start some random violence.
With all the chaos running rampant in Irvine, the police are starting to lose their cool. And who can blame them. They've been running nonstop and must be at the end of their ropes. Only time will tell if they will do something as rash as the those they are trying to stop.
It seems the magical rifts are spreading beyond Irvine, and within Irvine they are growing more and more dangerous, much to the dismay of Crystal and Phoebe. Meanwhile, Orcfodder is trying very hard to remember something that will allow CWAL to locate Azeroth.
And what about that Canadian ship that was crashing to Earth, infected with a Yimotian virus? It got a surprise of it's own when Aura and Canuckalisk Geek transform it into something possibly human (with much better hair then Aura).
While the present is growing more and more erratic, we also get a glimpse of the future and what it holds in store for Fron and the Canadian Dominion. And to finish everything off, we also get a look into the past on how the Dimensional Disturbance Division was formed and we also can see Tssha and Reecle coming to know each other.
What surprises are still in store for CWAL? Only time will tell.
Monday, July 23rd
CWAL Story Digest (July 8th- 19th)
Kalledon on 07.23.07 @ 10:09 AM EST [link
As dawn rises over the city of Irvine, the CWAL'ers attempt to regroup
from their botched raid into Blizzard, gaining a new member after Phoebe, Crystal and Morpher slay a strange beast in a strange dimension
and pick up a wounded, dying Tssha. The city itself tries to make sense of the invasion and enforce order through very heavily armed police administered by the dubiously sane(but very charming) Captain Hat
Over in space, however, the tenative alliance brought together by Maggott's overwhelming charm and charisma has faltered thanks to the Emperor's equal lack of attention span. The results serve to inspire us all and fill our hearts with joy: extreme violence handled with complete lack of sensitivity complete with comedic timing. Why? Well, the American commander, Fearless, having shown signs of mania for a long time, has finally decided that now is a good time as any other to kill Canadians
and really, can we blame him?
But while the surreality bloody bits of Canadians, ship dust, and maple syrup rain into the atmosphere, other common sayings are becoming true in Irvine. For example, family is hell - only in Irvine, this is literal when Kalledon's bat-winged assistant gets a visit from her family
thanks to her origin
. Not to be outdone, the Celestial Realms pour forth 100% God Jizz
through the rift portals to be found by a very curious and soon very blissful Jarick. Because really, the CWAL universe is never complete without love, peace, and implications of endless celestial sex.
And hiding away in a nook of another timeframe, the innocent little Reecle finds herself courting trouble again
Monday, July 9th
CWAL Story Digest (July 2nd - 8th)
Kalledon on 07.09.07 @ 05:21 PM EST [link
As the raid on Blizzard draws to a close, we have to ask what was accomplished. Three CWALers turned into crystals, no Starcraft 2, and three more CWALers hurled into the distant future. But not all is as bleak as it might appear. The battle over Earth has died down, and everyone is preparing for the approaching zerg threat. Peace talks appear to be progressing, even if they do require Maggott threatening to blow everyone up. And is Lothos in two places? He appears to be both on board a starship with Maggott and watching TV at CWAL HQ. Only time will be able to unveil this mystery.
Two Lothoses is only a minor mystery, though, when compared to the complete crystalization of Earth. Is this a future we want, or will Phoebe, Crystal, and Morpher be able to change the world's fate. And what fate awaits Razael? She appears to be pursued by some enigmatic figure in an Armani suit. What plans does he have in store for her?
Even odder then Razael's dark pursuit, is the tale of Tssha. This poor soul seems beset by parties vieing for the use of some strange hidden talent he posses. Will he survive to see them emerge? And what about poor Reecle? Will she ever fit in at Blizzard? And does she has some special talents hidden beneath that shy exterior?
All of these events can make even the sanest person crazy. So it's only natural that the truly deranged make a stop at Irvine's own Starbucks for a bit of caffeinated refreshment. Perhaps more secrets will be unveiled once everyone's finished their coffee break.
Monday, July 2nd
CWAL Story Digest(June 25th - July 1st)
Kalledon on 07.02.07 @ 09:32 AM EST [link
The forces of good meet with evil, and the results are...crystalline?
Apparently so! As our heroes in CWAL bravely charge forth into the headquarters of the evil Blizzard to find a crystal, save the world and steal a game, they find that not everything is going well for now, especially now that three of them have been turned into even more crystals.
The battle in space has also taken on a new angle. The appearance of the Zerg has forced even the arrogant Fearless into a realization that their new foes pose a danger not only to the Protoss forces besieging Earth, but also to all of humanity itself. Unlikely allies at best, the two fleets must now combine their forces to have any hope of surviving the incoming onslaught.
Meanwhile, Razael tries to recover from her physical injuries, only to get new mental ones while more backstory is revealed in regarding the mysterious OEEP to settle their eventual fate in the CWAL universe.
Monday, June 25th
CWAL Story Digest (June 17th - 24th)
Kalledon on 06.25.07 @ 10:17 AM EST [link
As the heat of the day wears on, the chaos in Irvine only grows higher. More and more CWALers are arriving and preparing to take part in the epic struggle that is Irvine’s way of life. As expected, this is causing all sorts of random deaths; something that PhasCo can always profit from.
With a large number of its members active, CWAL has finally been prompted to act. Yes, its finally time for a good, old fashion, raid on Blizzard. But the stakes are higher than just Starcraft II, and Phoebe is determined to keep Irvine safe.
CWAL is not the only organization with plans for Irvine. It seems a group of Witch Hunters from Great Britain have decided the chaos in Irvine can no longer be tolerated and a special agent has been dispatched to see to the problem. An old nemesis has return to play with the rippling fabric of reality. Regardless of either’s motives, their goals will certainly cause problems for CWAL.
Dark things roam the depths of Irvine’s sewers. And it seems that the problems of the deep may soon burst forth to add to the surface’s pandemonium. High above Earth, the battle between the US and Protoss rages on. Though Canada has finally joined the fight, it seems a new enemy may soon enter the fray.
And through all of these events, Blizzard’s employees remain as evil as ever.
Monday, June 18th
CWAL Story Digest (June 12th - 17th)
Kalledon on 06.18.07 @ 09:27 AM EST [link
Or does it? As the Protoss continue to press their attack on Irvine, the various governments of the world begin to respond to the alien invasion. The Canadian Dominion launch three of their best starships to help repel the the invasion, while a secret order has been given to their agent on the field, Phoebe, to find the heart of the problem inside of Irvine. As an additional incentive to motivate her, the Canadian Emperor has sent word that he may simply choose to incinerate Irvine if the situation is not resolved soon.
Not to be outdone by their northern neighbors, the Americans proceed to unveil their ultimate weapons of ultimate doom
, armed with the self-proclaimed invincible commander, Fearless, and his command bridge bursting with bevies of buxom beauties. Even as the Protoss argue on the merits of restraint, deal with heavily caffeinated koala pilots
and the appearance of the Zerg in the solar system, Fearless and his competent corp of chicks continue a consistent course to confront
them in the name of God, USA, and Fearless' oversized ego.
Back in Earth, Irvine citizens deal with the situation in the only way that any sane person could be expected to when faced with the prospect of sudden death: booze
. Even the great, incredible and awesome Emperor Maggott is exhibiting erratic and disturbingly aberrant behavior when, against his entire reputation and history, by choosing diplomacy
! And it seems that he's not the only one who's thinking of more loquacity, less lacerations
Speaking of lacerations, while the PhasCo's own Vektor enters and makes a bowl of lime jello
, the dangerous situation inside the company with the three alien invaders has finally wound to a conclusion
, but has revealed the existence of an unknown, enormously powerful being in the deepest vaults beneath the company.
And in Canada, a mysterious woman stumbles out of the Great Lakes
and gets handed a towel because, after all, Multiple wars, nearly inconceivable militarization and the rise of a maddeningly erratic dictator still couldn't stop Canadians from being so damned courteous.
Damn those polite Canucks. They are legion, I tell you.